My home is in a state of true crisis. It is all my fault. I am cowering in fear of being struck down by The Lord in charge of household management.
My crisis? During the trip to Big Town to stock up on supplies I committed a grevious sin of omission. I had somehow forgotten to write down "toilet paper."
Yes. Toilet paper. Now, we have a few meager squares left on the last roll and that's it. Pray for us, please.
I am in a state of wracking guilt. Obviously, I am not being an adequate helpmeet to my husband. I have not helped him meet his need for an adequate toilet paper supply.
I would get on my knees and submit to him, but then that would take an hour away from addressing the toilet paper problem and would only result in needing to use more toilet paper. Although, tissues would do as well.
I could buy toilet paper in town, but they don't have the right kind of "special, magic" toilet paper that our pristine family requires. Besides, I know for a fact that the store owners are Catholic. Nuff' said. *wink, wink*
So, instead of actually figuring out what I need to do about the toilet paper crisis, I've come here to blog about it. I blame the liberal media for averting my attention so terribly far from my sole purpose of providing my family with the exact right kind of special toilet paper. I also blame the insidious agendas of Democrats, Socialists, Communists, Gays, Left-wing Journalists, the Pope, the Dalai Lama, AT&T, Disney, Spongebob Square-pants, the Telletubbies, Spicy food, caffeine and Juicy Fruit gum. They are all arms of the devil attacking me and keeping me from being the best little wifey I can be.
Oh, won't somebody validate me?
You had me at Oreo.
4 hours ago
8 comments:
Hilarious. I guess I'm a failed helpmeet as well because I forgot the "magic coffee creamer". Thanks for the levity. It was needed here today.
Helpmeet?? Snort! I help my husband meet the grocery list, debit card and front door!
LOL.
Oh, I needed a good laugh today! This was it. =)
I think for penance you should read the Pearl's book on how to be a better help meet ;)
I'm praying for you now to become a better helpmeet!! I guess I need prayers too because I forgot bread at the store yesterday. Oh, I am shaking with fear thinking about what my husband will do...LOL!
I know, I'll make him get out and get the bread for me. How I love leading the unsubmissive life!
Okay I was laughing until I saw that you blamed Caffeine!! How dare you!! Have you no heart woman?
You better get on your knees and pray for forgiveness. The hell with your toilet paper (or lack thereof), you better pray to the Caffeine Gods that they don't pummel you with 12oz cans or bitchslap you with a 2 liter bottle!
*wiping the tears* Did you HAVE to blame Caffeine? Have you fallen that far? WWMD (What Would Mt Dew?)? Bad helpmeet, non-butt wipe buying, blamer...person! :p
LMAO, seriously though.. that was too cute and too funny! LOVE your sense of humor!
fellow homeschooler here. Fellow sarcastic here. Love the post, come visit.......
Fellow homeschooler here. Fellow sarcatic here. Come visit, love the blog. Read mine about secret past times and you'll know how I came upon you. Keep it up.
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